How to be your own good manager when nobody at work has your back
Share
I manage a team at my 9-5. I try to manage them the way I always wished I'd been managed earlier in my career. While I make this effort for my team, it took me so long to notice that I wasn't protecting myself the same way.
If nobody at work has your back right now, this post is for you. You can't pick your manager. But you can learn ways to be your own good manager.
I'm Amanda. I'm a mom of two, a wife, and an attorney, and I'm building Open Day Collective on the side. I've worked for almost two decades, and I've been on both ends of good management and the other kind. Here's what both taught me.
The manager you wish you'd had
Think about what good management actually looks like for you. Not a specific person. The practices.
For me, a good manager checks in before something is on fire. They ask how you're doing and actually wait for the answer. Not how the project is doing. You. They notice when you've been stretched thin for a few weeks and ask about it. They say no to things on your behalf so you can do your real work. They don't forward every urgent email the second it lands. They tell you when you did something well, before they hand you the next thing. And at some point, they remind you it's just a job and tell you to go log off.
You might have had that. You might still be waiting for it. Either way, here's the part I had to face.
I would never let someone on my team work through lunch every day for weeks without asking what's going on. I would never expect them to answer email at 10pm. I would notice and I would say something.
Unfortunately, I do both of those myself and call it a busy week.
Regardless of whether you find a new job or not, these practices are worth taking with you wherever you work. And what shouldn't be a surprise if you've been here for a while, most of them can happen on paper.
Before you say yes, ask what a good manager would do
Earlier in my career I said yes to every extra project. I hoped it would lead to a promotion. Mostly it led to more work.
A good manager wouldn't hand you a new assignment without asking if you have room for it. So now, before I volunteer for anything, I ask myself two questions:
- Do I have room for this?
- Is it in the area I want to grow in?
I wrote more about these two questions, and what to do with the answers, in Burned out but you like your job?
Hold a weekly one-on-one with yourself, on paper
This is the one that changed the most for me.
Good managers hold one-on-ones. Fifteen or twenty minutes, every week, where the focus is you. Not the project list. You.
I hold mine on paper, usually on Sunday. It starts with the family calendar, because my kids' schedules are part of my week, not something standing in the way of it. Practices, games, the office days. Once that's down, I can see how much room is actually left.
Then I ask myself the same questions I'd ask someone on my team:
- How am I actually doing?
- What did I finish last week?
- What's getting in the way?
- What can come off my plate this week?
- What's one step toward my someday project?
Write the answers down, even if they're one word. Especially if they're one word. "Tired" is useful information.
That last question matters most. A good manager asks where you want to grow, not just what's due. If your someday project never gets a line in your week, nobody else is going to give it one.
I write it by hand because it slows my thoughts down enough to actually hear the answers.
If nobody at work has your back right now, start here
Some of you are reading this because the gap isn't small. Maybe your manager is stretched too thin to notice anyone. Maybe they're part of why the week is hard. That's real, and I'm not going to tell you it's a mindset problem you can journal your way out of.
You can't pick your manager. You can pick how you treat yourself inside the job. If a full one-on-one feels like too much this week, start with this:
- End your day on your terms. Before you close your laptop, decide which emails can wait for morning. Most of them were going to wait anyway. You just weren't letting yourself rest while they did.
- Be the person who checks in on you. One line in your planner: how am I, really?
- Remember it's a job. It matters. It pays for things that matter. Even with all of that, it still does not define your worth. Pick the time work stops, and keep it the way you'd want a good manager to make sure you kept it.
It won't fix your workplace. It will make sure at least one person is paying attention to how you're doing. That's a start, and it's one you control.
You already know how to do this
If you're reading this, you're probably already a good manager of something. Maybe it's a team at work. Maybe it's your kids' schedules, your household, a classroom, a volunteer committee, or the group chat that can't pick a restaurant. It doesn't need a title and it doesn't have to be work. You know how to check in, protect someone's time, notice when they did something well, and tell them to go home.
I do this for my team every week, and it still took me so long to do it for myself. You're just not on your own list yet. Manage yourself the way you always wished someone would.
If you want a place to start this Sunday, grab my free Someday Weekly Plan. Think of it as your weekly one-on-one, on one page: four steps, plus a version for the weeks that fall apart. Get the free Someday Weekly Plan here.
And if work is the part that's wearing you down, I walk through four small changes on camera in Episode 18 on YouTube.
Tell me which one you're starting with. Consider this our first check-in. I most definitely follow up.
every day. on purpose.